Never Look Back
by LetsCallItFate
Summary: Peyton got a book. All Brooke got were a few lousy lines. And a baby. Her beautiful little baby.
1. Elizabeth Delilah Davis

**A/N Okay so I know I kind of just left my other story, but thinks were crazy with going back to school and everything and I just kind of lost interest in Nathan and Haley, that said I do intend to finish it at some point. My latest obsession is with Brooke and Lucas. I've been watching the earlier seasons and I've just fallen in love with them together and its made me not like the later seasons so much, so this is kind of my version of what should have happened. So review and tell me if you like it or not :) **

Brooke pulled a face and squeezed Haley's hand tightly as another contraction hit her.

"Well Brooke, I would say you can start pushing now. You're not quite 10cm, but the baby's head has started to descend and pushing will help to really open you up" The doctor gently spread Brooke's legs and placed them, in the stirrups at the foot of the bed.

"Haley just support Brooke's lower back and hold her hand perhaps? Brooke, now this is going to be hard, I won't lie to you, but you can do it. So when you feel the next contraction, after this" HE noted her screwed up face.

"I want you to push down to your bottom hard, and keep going until I tell you to stop, okay? The baby will begin to descend and when you stop it may feel like the head is receding again, but don't be put off that's very natural. Are you ready?"

Brooke was scared out of her mind, but she nodded. She felt the beginning of the contraction and gripping Haley she began to push, letting out a low moan as the pain consumed her, shooting up her spine. The contraction was peaking now and she felt like giving up, it wasn't doing anything and the pain was getting unbearable. She wanted to give up, but Haley had one hand on her lower back and was propping her up forcing her to continue with this torture.

"I cant!" She called out, as she continued pushing, "Its hurts, it really really hurts"

"Okay, Brooke. Take a quick rest and we'll start again on the next one."

"You're doing so good, Tigger" Haley told her, squeezing her hand softly.

But before Brooke had time to respond another contraction hit her and she began to push again, sweat dripping on her forehead, this was impossible, she would die soon, she was sure that this was what it felt like to be split in half.

"Urghh." Brooke panted as she fell back against the bed, and Haley tentatively removed her arm from behind Brooke's back.

"Brooke, you need to keep going," The doctor informed her, "Your baby is right there, they need to come out."

Brooke shook her head,

"It's too hard. I can't do this. I can't. Please, let me go home." She begged, tears seeping out of the corners of her eyes and mixing with the sweat on her head. Another contraction wracked her body and she bit her lip until blood came out, to stop herself from screaming out with the pain.

"Brooke, You can do this." Haley assured her, wiping her damp bangs off her forehead, "You can do this and then you'll have a little baby, you have to do this. Come on, push."

Brooke nodded and bared down on the next contraction and began to feel the baby moving down for the first time, unable to cope with how uncomfortable she was on top of the searing pain, she let outa startling scream as she continued to try and force the baby out.

"Good, keep going."

Brooke could barely hear, she was too consumed with the pain, suddenly she bucked her hips upwards as if that would help force the baby out of her.

"And stop." Brooke panted as she stopped and rested her damp head on Haley's shoulders.

"Okay Brooke." The doctor said looking up at her, "What's going to happen now is that the baby is going to start to descend through the birth canal and after about one push like the one you just gave me, the baby will be about to start crowning. When I tell you so I need you to give everything to get the baby's head out, okay?" Brooke nodded, desperately wanting this torture to be over.

"Go."

Brooke leant forward and pushed, moaning in pain as she felt the baby slipping down inside of her. It felt like she was being split in half and that her organs were being pushed around to make way for something far too big. Letting out an anguished scream, she let he mind drift back to Lucas. Her Lucas. She could almost imagine him here...

"You're doing great Pretty Girl." His words were comforting and she kept going, she knew it wasn't real but she needed it to be so she could make it through.

"Good Girl." The doctor praised, pushing her legs a little further apart, "Take a quick break and then we'll get the head out, okay."

"You're doing amazing, Brooke, just a little more." She nodded and on the doctors word began pushing again. The pain had changed again, it was burning now, as if someone had set fire to her. All she was aware of was the pain, she could hear the doctors praise and Haley's hand still on hers but none of it mattered. She was dying didn't they realise. There was no way she could survive this pain.

"Its burning!" She cried out, "Make it stop, I cant do this." But the pain was still there, and even though the contraction had finished she found herself still pushing, hating the thought of prolonging this pain.

She could feel the head emerging now, pushing her further apart, burning her, ripping her she was sure. She let out another scream and another as she kept on pushing and pushing, tears dripped down her face, sweat stuck her hair to her neck and she gripped Haley. And just as she was about to give up it was gone, replaced by a hollow pain and the scream of a baby. Her baby. Lucas's baby. Their baby.

In what seemed like a few seconds, her baby had been swaddled in a huge blanket and they were handing it over to Brooke. As she looked down into the tiny childs eyes for the first time she felt tears trickle down her cheeks again and right then, in that moment nothing else in the whole world mattered. The baby had tufts of blonde hair, Lucas's she was sure, and the biggest blue eyes she had ever seen, but with her ruby lips and nose.

"It's a girl," The doctor whispered, not wanting to break the silence.

"A girl." Brooke echoed, as she gazed down at her daughter.

"Hey baby girl." She whispered softly, "Welcome to the world."

"She gorgeous Brooke." Haley said, stroking the little girls face, "You did good."

Brooke broke her gaze with the baby and looked up at Haley.

"Thank you, for everything."

Haley smiled and nodded and they both went back to admiring the baby girl lying in Brookes arms.

As the doctor began to fix Brooke up, she let out a small whimper and wished Lucas was here, to see their tiny perfect little girl, to help her pick out a name and to help her through.

Haley looked up from the baby to her friend.

"You want me to call him?" She asked, her eyebrows raised. Ever since Brooke had come crying to her house in the middle of the night after finding out she was pregnant, she and Haley had argued continually over whether or not to tell Lucas. Haley insisted he had a right to know his child and Brooke shouldn't take that away from him, but Brooke had stayed adamant that now he was with Peyton in LA she couldn't ruin things for him.

Now, as she Brooke handed the perfect little girl to her, she wished more than ever that she had let herself tell him, because he should be here. He should be here with Brooke, holding her hand and marveling at the little girl they had made. She knew him and she knew he would have wanted to be here.

00000000

Later on, after Haley had gone and the nurses had finally left her alone, Brooke decided to set upon the task of naming the beautiful baby in her arms. During her pregnancy she had bought Barnes and Noble out of every single baby name they stocked, desperately trying to come up with a name that her child would be proud to have. She had spent hours and hours alone in her apartment, eating Chinese and scanning the pages of the books, but hadn't managed to find anything. Then once she had moved back to Tree Hill three months before the baby was due, she had quizzed Nathan and Haley relentlessly on what they thought were good names, and what they would have named Jamie other than James. But now, looking down at her sleeping daughter, all of the names she had ever considered didn't seem good enough for her. She couldn't help but wish that Lucas was here. He was so good at this sort of thing and she knew he would be able to think up the perfect name for their daughter. Even Peyton would be able to. Every single person in the whole wide world could do the simple task of naming their baby, except her. She had only been a mother for 5 hours, and 42 minutes but already, she thought, she was failing.

Shifting the baby awkwardly in her arms – she still hadn't gotten used to holding someone so tiny – she closed her eyes and tried to conjure a name out of nowhere. But she just kept thinking of Peyton, and she knew she couldn't name her daughter Peyton. But Elizabeth, she pondered. She had always liked the name and that way her daughter would always have a part of Peyton with her, even if she never did meet her. Brooke opened her eyes and gazed lovingly down at her little girl.

"Do you want to be Elizabeth, huh baby?" She cooed, and the little girl's eyes twitched along with her fingers as she dreamed.

"Well baby, I'm going to take that as a yes. You are going to be Mommy's little Elizabeth. Her little Bethie. You know what, I'm going to call you Beth, because then we can both be . That sounds good, right?"

Beth didn't respond, but Brooke persevered.

"You are named after your Aunt Peyton, baby. But you haven't met her. I don't know if you ever will because things with her are a little tricky at the moment."

Brooke let out a deep sigh, and stroked Beth's fingers, and let out a small giggle when the tiny baby gripped her finger.

"You see, your Daddy is Aunt Peyton's boyfriend, and Daddy doesn't know about you. Don't worry though, Daddy and Aunt Peyton weren't together when you were conceived. And if he was here, he would love you just as much as I love you, baby. So would your Aunt Peyton. Aunty Haley already loves you, and so does Uncle Nathan, remember? He said you were the prettiest little girl in the whole world. Don't worry Beth, because Mommy loves you so much and even though I don't know how to do this, I'm going to learn, okay? It will all be okay."

Beth's forehead crumpled and her eyes opened, but before Brooke could marvel at their ocean blue the baby began to wail. Full on crying, her whole body shaking and her face turning an angry red.

"Oh No, don't cry. Shhhhh" Brooke sat up, wincing at the pain and frantically tried to soothe the baby. As she frantically rocked the small baby, she realized - not for the first time - how out of her depth she really was. She wasn't ready to do this, especially not alone. As she watched her newborns daughter face turn beet red, she felt tears slipping out of her own eyes. After what seemed like hours, Elizabeth finally settled down and looked up and Brooke with her Daddy's big blue eyes.

"See baby girl, it's not so hard to stop crying, is it?" Brooke asked, letting Beth grip her finger once again, and rest her head against Brooke's chest. "Now, you still need a middle name, don't you? Yes you do. I want something to remind me of your Daddy, but I really don't want you to have a boy's name!" Brooke giggled and she could've sworn she saw Beth smile too. Brooke looked into her daughter's eyes and tried to think of something that she would be able to explain to her daughter when she was older.

"Delilah." She muttered out loud, "Elizabeth Delilah. That's pretty isn't it baby? Do you like that? You know why I'm choosing Delilah? Because when Mommy went to New York the song 'Hey There Delilah' always made me think of your Daddy."

She stopped for a moment and surveyed her daughter.

"You really are beautiful Elizabeth Delilah Davis. And I know that you're Daddy would love you so much if he could see you, and Mommy is so sorry he's not here." Brooke blinked back a few more tears and took in her daughters droopy eyes.

"I think someone needs to sleep now." She cooed, as she placed Elizabeth into the bassinet beside her hospital bed. She watched over her taking in all her delicate features until she was sure she was asleep. It was nearly 3 in the morning here, but she knew that meant it was only midnight in LA. Taking a deep breath, she swung her legs out of bed and ignoring the soreness between her legs managed to shuffle over to where her bag was and retrieve her phone. It was new, and she had called it her personal phone. It meant that only a select few people could call it and all the people she didn't want to speak too, didn't know it existed. Anxiously she scrolled down until she found Lucas's number and hit the green button. She had been so sure she could do this alone, but now that her little girl was actually here, Brooke just wanted to be able to give her everything, including a Dad.

"Hello?" A voice asked. A voice that Brooke knew all too well. A voice that wasn't Lucas.

"Hello?" They repeated and Brooke bit her lip, trying desperately not to start sobbing down the phone to her old best friend.

"Who is this?" Peyton tried again and all of a sudden she heard him.

"Peyt? Is that my phone?

"Yeah, sorry , its just you were writing and its late and I know how you get."

Brooke heard shuffling and guessed that Luke was taking the phone off of Peyton.

"Hello?" He asked and this time Brooke opened her mouth,

"I.." She couldn't do it. They sounded so happy, she couldn't ruin that. He was happy, and so was Peyton.

"Ermm, sorry. Wrong number." She blurted out and hung up, feeling as about mature as a twelve year old. How could she be a mother and not even have the guts to tell someone he was a father? Just as the light from her phone started to fade, it lit up again, with Lucas's number. Thankful it was on silent, Brooke watched it ring. And ring. And finally, when it stopped almost half an hour later, she managed to work up enough courage to listen to the first voicemail.

"Brooke? IS it you? Am I going crazy? I know this isn't your number, but...Please call me back. You just disappeared, you stopped answering your phone, you haven't been anywhere in the papers or magazines in months and Haley swears she doesn't know where you are. Just...please...Let me know you're okay at least." The phone beeped in her ear and the next message started playing.  
"Ermm, if this isn't Brooke I'm really sorry. But it's just, you sounded so much like her and she's gone missing. I just.."

Brooke flipped her phone shut unable to take anymore. Sometimes, she missed him so much she could actually feel her heart aching in her chest. She knew she deserved it, but it still hurt. Sighing she turned over onto her side and watched Beth's chest fall up and down, until finally Brooke drifted into sleep.


	2. Thinking of you

**A/N Wow. I was really surprised at the positive reaction to this story :) Thank you for all the reviews and alerts ect. This chapter has Leyton in it, because I dont hate them together. Obviously I'm more of a Brucas person, but I feel like Lucas will always have feelings for both of them, and thats what I'm trying to display in this chapter. Reviews please :)**

Lucas Scott wasn't in love with LA. At least not in the way Peyton Sawyer was. She was inspired by the city, she admired it and she believed in the potential that lived within it. She had uprooted her whole life to be here, and Lucas had uprooted his whole life to be with Peyton. Peyton had been the girl of his dreams since freshman year and now he finally was living that dream. He got to wake up beside her every morning, watch her laugh and smile and talk passionately about the work that she believed in so much. In a way, being in LA with her was making Lucas fall more in love with her, if that was even possible.

The one thing LA hadn't done for Lucas, was inspire him. After his first book , his publishers and editor were desperate for him to write more, but he couldn't bring himself to send in any of the sub standard crap he had written. His first book had made the New York Times bestseller list, and he wasn't prepared to publish anything less as its follow up. Lindsay – his editor – phoned him relentlessly, begging him to write a sequel, it could be about his life with Peyton, just anything. But he couldn't. And he didn't understand why not.

He was completely in love with Peyton, but she didn't inspire his witting anymore, because she no longer haunted his every thought. Instead when he was alone at night, he found his mind drifting back to his teenage regrets. He thought about all of the mistakes he made until he drove himself crazy and more and more often he would find himself sitting alone at his desk, long past midnight, writing pointless letters to Keith. He had started by telling him about his new life, how happy he was that he and Peyton were back together and how he understood that he had been presumptuous about proposing. He told Keith all about Lily, and how his Mom would send him pictures of her smiling from whatever part of the world they were in. He talked about California and how one day, he had been lost and asked a girl for directions, and more he knew it she was offering him sex for $50. He wrote of how lost he was and how much he missed him, how he needed him here now, so he could ask him hat to do. And then there was Brooke.

He wrote about how worried he was and how bad he felt. He had slept with her, that night in New York and then gone back to Peyton weeks later. He hadn't meant to hurt her, and at that point in time, he had believed in them, that maybe now they were out of High School things between them would work out. The morning after had been awkward. Even more so, when a sobbing Peyton had cried down the phone to Brooke for half an hour while Luke made breakfast. He had apologised and left, an awkward void lay between them afterwards.

He hadn't heard from Brooke since, all his calls went unanswered. He understood that. Things between them were awkward. But when she wouldn't pick up to Peyton, that was when he got worried. He had called Haley, and she said she hadn't heard from Brooke either recently, but that she was sure Brooke was fine, she was probably off on a business trip somewhere. Lucas asked Keith to look out for Brooke, to make sure she was okay.

Then Peyton would come in, ask him what he writing. He knew he should tell her, that if anyone would understand it was Peyton, after what happened with her Mom's, but he couldn't. Those letters were too personal and he was terrified that if she found out how worried he was about Brooke, that she would lose it, and he would lose her. And he couldn't risk that happening, because honestly, Lucas didn't know who he was without Peyton.

He was lucky, he knew that. He had an amazing girlfriend, his dream job and he lived in a nice apartment. He was happy; he had everything he ever wanted. But sometimes, in lonely moments he wondered if Peyton was worth it. If she was worth leaving Tree Hill for, if she was worth missing Jamie grow up for, but when that happened, he reminded himself that she was Peyton Sawyer, that he had loved her since he was 14, that they had come through so much together and that he was completely and hopelessly in love with her.

Then Brooke called. It was one of those nights, he was writing to Keith and Peyton had just got in. He had heard his phone ring from the bedroom and finished his sentence to go grab it, but before he could he saw Peyton on the phone.

"Peyt?" He had called, "Is that my phone?"

She had looked sheepish and taken the phone away from her ear.

"Yeah, sorry, it's just you were writing and its late and I know how you get."

He nodded, and stretched his arm out for the phone.

"Hello?" He had asked.

"I…" He felt his heart jump to his throat, it was Brooke! He was sure, she was okay, she was safe and she was finally calling him back!

"Ermm, sorry. Wrong number." And then the line was dead. He was that close, he was so close. He closed his eyes and let out an anguished grunt, which caused Peyton to begin to massage his shoulders.

"Who was it baby?" She asked in her most soothing voice, her blue eyes trained on him.

"I think…" Lucas said as he turned to face her, "I Think that was Brooke."

He had called the number back, again and again, leaving desperate voicemails as he paced the room, while Peyton sat on the sofa watching him. Unlike Lucas, she wasn't worried at all about Brooke. Brooke had lost touch with nearly everyone, and so why would she inform them if she went somewhere? She agreed with Haley, Brooke was probably out somewhere trying to take Clothes over Bros to the next level. If Brooke was in trouble, she would've called. After about twenty minutes of watching her boyfriend pace, she slipped out of the room and into her bed.

Lucas didn't sleep that night. He sat awake, phone in his hand, praying for it to ring, for Brooke to tell him she was okay. He knew it was crazy, that he was so worked up over his old girlfriend; he saw the look in Peyton's eyes. But he couldn't help it, it was something about Brooke, he needed to protect her, to make sure she was okay, and it was killing him to not know.

In the morning, Peyton kissed him goodbye and left for work. Lucas went to his study, opened his laptop and wrote.

* * *

In the morning Brooke was woken by the cries of her daughter. Grouchy and sleepy, she lifted Beth out of the bassinet and fed her, until she was silent and still.

"Hey Bethie, it's just you and Mommy still. But you know what? We get to go home soon! Isn't that exciting?"

Beth gurgled, as Brooke held her up.

"You do look just like Daddy, you know that? You have his hair and his eyes and you are probably going to grow up to be all broody and then I will just have to call you Broody Davis!" Brooke smiled as she looked at her little girl cradled in her arms.

"Can I tell you a secret? Last night I phoned Daddy. I was going to tell him all about you, but I couldn't. Aunt Peyton picked up and she sounded so happy, and your Daddy's writing, and they have a life over there. I'm sorry baby girl, but don't worry, you are going to be more than loved right here in Tree Hill. In fact, you Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan will be here soon to visit you. See, lots of people love you, because you are the cutest little baby in the whole world!"

Beth's eyes blinked back at Brooke.

"Yeah well, I'm gonna keep talking to you anyway, even if you act like you don't understand a word that I say."

Brooke placed the baby back in the crib, to allow Beth to snooze for a bit longer before Haley and Nate showed up and laid her head on the hard hospital pillow. Her life wasn't meant to be like this. She was meant to be older, more mature and married. She loved Beth – she loved her so much, it was actually hurting her. She was aching for her daughter when she was asleep – but she hated herself for what she had done. She had slept with her best friend's boyfriend, the night after he proposed. Then she hadn't even had the guts to tell him that she had gotten pregnant. And now, she was going to have to explain what she had done to her daughter. And of all the things, that hurt the most.

* * *

Peyton found herself feeling more doubtful than she had in a long time. Her life had been going so well, she was finally actually doing work involving actual bands – not just their mail- and Lucas was here. Lucas had moved here to be with her, even though she had told him she wasn't going to marry him. He was perfect. She knew that. They were meant to be, they had to be. Since he had moved here, almost seven months ago, she had once again realized how easy it is to depend on Lucas Scott for everything. To know what it's like to need him as bad as you need to breathe, and she felt that desperation that had consumed her as a teenager. Lucas Scott was hers, and he needed her just as bad, she was sure.

So why was this irking her? Brooke calling him, if that was even who it was. Why should she be bothered, Brooke and Lucas weren't even friends anymore, that hadn't talked in months, what on earth was she worried about? But the more she thought about, the bigger the feeling of unease got inside her stomach. It was something about the way his blue eyes had lit up when he heard her voice, how she had fallen asleep to his footsteps and woken up to find him with his phone in his hand and his brow crumpled. She knew Lucas loved her, but she also knew he didn't write about her anymore.

He had written a book, a whole novel about her and now he couldn't even find words to describe her. She knew it was wrong, but one night when he was out of town for a meeting with his editor in New York, she had looked through his desk. She needed to find some evidence that he still felt the same about her, that she hadn't dragged him out here for nothing, that their relationship meant something.

All she had found were letters. Letters addressed to his dead uncle.

She had scanned the first few, and then carefully pushed them back in the draw, before she retreated out of the room. Peyton knew she had overstepped an invisible boundary. Keith was something he still couldn't talk about, something he wouldn't talk about and she felt embarrassed and ashamed that she had read those letters. What had she thought she was going to find? Letters to Brooke? Pages about how in love he still was with Peyton Sawyer? They had been together for a long time now, but Peyton still couldn't figure him out.


	3. She will be loved

**A/N Wow, thanks again for all the support for this story 3 Basically I have loads of exams going on from now until the 17th - I think Americans call them finals? - so updates may take a while as my main priority is studying :( So I have this story completely planned out and it should end up being about ten chapters long, but I may do a sequel or something if I get an idea. Lots of people didn't like the fact that their was Leyton in the last chapter and I'm sorry, but this story will have Leyton in, but remember I am a Brucas shipper ;) So enjoy this, and review :)**

It had been three whole days since little Elizabeth Davis had come screaming into the world, but for Brooke it felt much longer. She couldn't remember a time that she hadn't looked into those blue eyes, or heard that gorgeous gurgle. Brooke had never been this in love before.

It had been a day and a half since she had brought baby Beth home, and Brooke had felt sure that her daughter would love being home. That wasn't the case. Elizabeth screamed all day and most of the night, and when she didn't need feeding, or her nappy changed, she just wanted to be rocked. Then whenever Brooke finally managed to crawl into bed and shut her eyes for a few minutes, Beth would start to whimper and she would have to get up to check on her, because she was petrified something would happen to her.

She had just managed to get almost a full two hours sleep, when her daughters shrill cries woke her up. As she dragged herself out of bed and rubbed her bleary eyes she happened to glance in a mirror and almost cried. Brooke Davis always looked good. She was a fashion designer, so for her it was an unwritten law. But now…she had never looked worse. All she had worn since she'd gotten home were loose fitting bright pink PJ bottoms, and a ratty old tank top. Her hair was scraped back into a knotty, greasy ponytail and hadn't been washed since before Beth was born.

After she returned from soothing her baby daughter, Brooke decided she had to take some time for herself, even if it was just so she didn't scare her daughter next time she went to pick her up. For the last couple of days Brooke had been living in almost darkness, the curtains remained shut and only lamps were allowed to be turned on. Automatically Brooke yanked her bedroom curtains open and blinked at the sudden stream of light that flooded her bedroom, but it felt good.

She turned her shower on, and stripped her disgusting clothes off, and for the first time she got to look at what has happened to her body. All her life her body had been perfect. She was curvy and toned, and every guy she met watched her ass as she walked off. But now. Her breasts were sagging almost, because she hadn't worn a bra in days, and her stomach, which she was so sure would just flatten out, was still massive, just sort of deflated. It wasn't good. Sighing she stepped into the shower and let the pelting hot water soothe her frazzled mind.

Half an Hour later, Brooke was feeling a lot better. Her daughter was still napping contentedly, she was no longer wearing Pajamas, her hair was down and for the first time since she had been home, she had had a chance to tidy up their house a bit. Now she was sitting at the kitchen table, with Beths baby book spread out in front of her. She had never had one of these, but from the moment Karen had shown her Lucas's back when they were dating, she had made a silent promise to make one of these for her children. So far she was on the fourth page, the pictures page. She had stuck in several pictures of her with newborn Beth, and some with Nathan and Beth, and Haley and her, but one was missing. There wasn't a single picture of Beth and Lucas. And it broke Brookes heart a bit. She had been so tired and out of her mind these last few days she hadn't had a chance to think of Lucas, or Peyton. She wondered if they were just going about their ordinary lives, completely unaware that Lucas's daughter had arrived only a few days earlier, or if maybe he knew , had a feeling.

She pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind and took a sip of green tea. It was too painful at the moment to imagine what things could be like if Lucas was here, if he and Peyton had never gotten back together, if maybe that night had meant something to him. Because it's impossible. He always chooses Peyton over her, and this time, even though he didn't know it, he had chosen Peyton over their daughter. Brooke knows that keeping Beth from her father is wrong, but she likes to think that maybe she is doing the right thing. Lucas never knows what he wants. What if he thought he wanted Beth and then changed his mind? It's not a risk Brooke ever wants to take, she knows the pain of being rejected by Lucas Scott, but her daughter will never feel that pain.

She's awoken from her daydream by a foreign noise, her mobile vibrating. She hasn't had a need for it since she returned home and now she is at a complete loss as to where she left her bag.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." She murmurs out loud, as she runs through into her bedroom, frantically glancing around. In the corner of her eye, she finally see's her Marc Jacobs bag and dives across the bed, and empties the entire contents out on to her bed and glances at the screen.

Haley, Mob.

"Hello." She whispers down the phone, trying not to disrupt her sleeping daughter.

"Hey Brooke, can you let me in? I'm just outside and didn't want to ring the bell in case it woke my niece up."

Her voice is so familiar, so safe and so soothing that it almost makes Brooke want to cry. Damn hormones.

"Sure, " Brooke replies, clambering off her bed, and padding downstairs, hanging up on Haley as she does so.

She pulls open the door, and the cool breeze leads her to pull her cardigan a little tighter around her still swollen body.

"Tutor Mom." She smiles as she pulls Haley in for a quick hug, before ushering her in.

"Hey Tigger. How are you?" Haley says, as she leads Brooke into the kitchen, and immediately begins pulling food out of her shopping bags.

"What are those?" Brooke asks, as she begins to try and tidy away all of the mess she made while creating the baby book.

"These," Haley begins, as she flicks the kettle on, and begins piling fruit into the empty food bowl, "Are your supplies. I know what it's like to be a new Mom, and I don't know how I would have done it without Nathan, so I thought you could do with some help." She smiles at Brooke, as she empties a pack of apples into the bowl, and is shocked to see her best friend crying.

"It's the hormones." Brooke choked out through her tears, and both girls were soon laughing.

"So, "Haley said, pulling herself up and sitting on the kitchen counter after both girls had stopped laughing, "What were you doing before I came?" She nodded her head towards the hastily cleared away baby book.

Brooke bit her lip and pulled the book towards her, opening it to show Haley.

"It's a baby book I'm making for Beth." She explained, turning the pages for Haley.

"For Beth?" Haley asked quizzically, raising an eyebrow at Brooke.

"Yes for Beth." Brooke replied, not understanding what Haley was getting out.

Haley sighed and slid off the counter top, instead flopping down into a chair opposite Brooke.

"I think your making that for Lucas." Haley said softly, reaching a hand out to Brooke.

Brooke pursed her lips. It was the first time Haley had mentioned him since Beth had been born. She reached her hand out and snapped the book shut, and pulled it out of Haley's reach.

"It's for Beth. Why would be for Lucas? He's not in our lives. HE chose Peyton, remember?" It came out a lot harsher and more venomous than Brooke had intended, and upon seeing Haley's face she felt quite bad.

"Brooke," Haley began cautiously, "He didn't choose Peyton. He didn't know it was a choice and I know Lucas, if he had known you were pregnant, he wouldn't have gone. This isn't what he would have chosen."

Brooke's face remained stony, and they both sat in a stoic silence until Beth's cries ripped through the air. Brooke immediately went to get up, but Haley was already up.

"I've got it." She said and gave Brooke a small, sad smile.

Brooke could hear her cooing to Beth, but she was angry. How dare Haley come in to her house and tell her what she felt. It was none of her business. And what did she even know anyway? Lucas would have chosen Peyton, he always did.

Just then Haley reappeared, Beth crumpled face nestled into her shoulder.

"She's gotten so big." Haley said and now that her daughter was around Brooke couldn't help but smile and agree.

"I know, isn't she? And she's getting more and more beautiful every day, aren't you princess?" Brooke fussed, standing up and reaching out for Beth.

"She looks just like Lucas." Haley observed, watching Brooke with her daughter. She had always known that Brooke was going to be a good mother, even when no one else believed it.

Brooke looked up, and a wave of emotion passed over her.

"Yeah," She nodded, before turning her gaze back to Beth, "You look just like your Daddy, don't you Bethie?"

"She's beautiful Brooke, she really is."

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry if I offended you, I just…I really think Luke would want to be here, you know?"

Brooke sighed, as she sat down on the squishy sofa, and pulled down her top allowing Beth to feed.

"I called him."

She looked up to meet Haley's eyes.

"What? When?" Haley asked, flabbergasted at this revelation.

Brooke shrugged.

"A couple of hours after Beth was born. Peyton picked up."

"Oh Brooke, I'm sorry."

Brooke shook her head before speaking, and pulled her top up, and settled her daughter in her arms again.

"No, its okay, really. I was going to tell him Haley, but he sounded so happy. He was writing and he's with Peyton now. I can't mess that up for him."

"Oh Brooke." Haley murmured sympathetically.

"I know that she deserves a father, but I just can't. I can't ruin things for him, or for Peyton. Beth will be fine, she has so many aunt and uncles that love her, but Peyton only has Luke. I can't take that away from her. And Haley, you should have seen him that night. He didn't know what to do with himself. He loves her. He loves her more than he ever loved me, can't you see? He would never be happy here, with me. I will never, ever be enough for Lucas."

Brooke blinked rapidly to stop the tears welling in her eyes from spilling over. Haley didn't know what to say, so instead she just wrapped her arms around her best friend and let her cry on her shoulder.

* * *

Ever since that day Lucas had locked himself away in his study, and nothing Peyton could say would make him come out. She would make dinner, call for him and he wouldn't come. She would warm it and leave it on his desk, and kiss his neck and whisper for him to come to bed. But he wouldn't. Instead she would find him slumped over his laptop when she got up in the morning. She was at her wits end - she had no idea what to do with him.

Lucas meanwhile was happy, his inspiration had finally come back to him, what had previously seemed an impossible task now seemed do able. He had written more in the last few days, than he had in the last year. And it was good, he could finally write well again. Because of Brooke. Just hearing her voice, the familiar huskiness of it, had made him think about home, about Tree Hill, about her. Earlier, when Peyton was out, he had phoned Lindsey and told her about his new plan, he'd emailed her a few pages, and she had almost cried with joy down the phone.

He'd spoken to Nathan, over the phone and told him briefly about his plans for the book, because he felt he needed his brothers approval before he could continue. The conversation with his Mom had been the hardest though. She was like him, so closed off about Keith still and he hadn't been sure how she would react to it. She had been fine in the end, or at least she had been brave. He hadnt really touched on Keith's death in his first book, it had been to recent, to raw, almost too personal to share. But he was older now, and he figured he at least owed it to his Uncle to do this for him.

Peyton would understand if he told her. If he showed her the letters that he written, he knew she wouldn't even dream about being anything other than completly supprotive. Yet, he could've, he was worried about his girlfriend. For so long he had lacked inspiration, and spent his days around teh house, with nothing better to do than put all his energy into their relationship, but now there was a third person in their relationship - his book. That wasn't the only reason why he was concerned about her though. The other day when Peyton had been at work, he had accidently stumbled upon a drawing. It had shown a man hunched over a desk, which he had presumed was himself, and a girl, alone, right at the other end of the picture. Between them she had written 'you're perfect, and we're perfect, and that night was perfect.' and then underneath that, 'really?'. He could still remember saying that to her, being so sure that this was the girl, this was his forver, but now he realised that they were all too young, that nothing was perfect.

He had planned to hold her that night when she got home, to apologise, to beg her to forgive him, to kiss her on the neck, and in that special spot that she loved. He had it all worked out in his head.

Peyton had come home to a quiet house, where she had found her boyfriend half asleep at his desk. She had silently climbed into bed, her salty tears staining the white pillowcase.


	4. It could never be the way I loved you

**A/N Thanks for the support :) Hope you enjoy this chapter, I promise you, it will start picking up soon :) Review please 3**

"Thank you for shopping at Clothes over Bros." Brooke said cheerily as she waved a customer off. She had opened her latest store only a couple of months ago, but it was already doing well. In her last few months of pregnancy, she had taken care to begin setting this up; so that by the time Beth was a few months old she would be able to work close to home. Business was slow at the moment, but Brooke was confident that it would get better and really, she didn't need the money, she just liked doing something constructive with her time.

"Ag." Beth called from her spot in the crib placed behind the counter. AT six months old she looked just like a miniature, female Lucas with her bright blue eyes (Brooke had known that the nurse was wrong, they hadn't changed colour after a few weeks) and blonde hair. Sometimes Brooke would look at her and just see Lucas.

"Ag?" Brooke asked her daughter, crouching down so she was at eye level with her daughter, "That's not a real word now, is it? See Mommy thought you would have inherited your Daddy's smartness and be able to speak by now, huh?" But Beth just smiled and gurgled happily, and reached her arms up towards Brooke.

"Come here then Bethie." Brooke cooed as she pulled her daughter towards her and balanced her on her hip. "You are getting heavy now aren't you? And you look more and more like Daddy everyday…" Brooke tailed off as a customer entered.

"Welcome to Clothes over Bros." Brooke said throwing a smile towards the customer while trying to detach Beth's hand from her hair. Recently she had taken to hair, it didn't matter whose, Brooke's, Haley's, Mouth's and a couple of days ago she had caused a mammoth two year old tantrum when she had yanked Jamie's when he was playing with her.

"Cute baby." The blonde said as she began browsing through the racks, though she kept an eye trained on Brooke.

"Thanks." Brooke replied, looking up and catching her eye, "DO I know you?"

The blonde girl tilted her head to the side, and surveyed Brooke.

"You really don't remember me, huh?"

Puzzled, Brooke shook her head.

"Brooke it's me!" She said enthusiastically, stepping towards the counter and automatically causing Brooke to step back.

"I'm sorry?" The smile dropped from her face as she realized the brunette really had no idea who she was.

"Its me? Bevin?" She tried again, her eyes now cloudy.

Brooke's eyes widened in realization.

"Bevin!" She exclaimed, rushing around the counter to envelop her friend in a hug, careful of not squashing Beth, who had dropped the hair and instead was silently watching the two adults.

"Oh my God!" Brooke pulled away and studied her former best friend.

"Sit, sit!" She said pulling Bevin towards the sofa and settling down with Beth resting on her knee.

"How are you?" She asked excitedly, taking in Bevin's short hair and barely there shorts.

"I've been good, I married Tim." She said, showing Brooke her hand as proof, "And we live a couple of towns over, what about you? A baby?" She nodded towards Beth, who was looking right back at her with Lucas's curiosity.

Brooke nodded,

"Yup, this is Beth."

Bevin sighed, and leant forwards to examine one of Beth's tiny baby hands.

"She's adorable Brooke. Who's the dad? Is it that Chase guy?"

"No, it's…" Brooke broke off, unable to finish, she looked down at Beth and then back up at Bevin, "He's just a guy. No one special."

Bevin smiled sadly up at Brooke, and Brooke could tell what her old friend was thinking. She didn't know Brooke anymore, how she'd grown up, changed. Brooke awkwardly broke their gaze. She wanted to tell Bevin, that it wasn't just some guy, it was_ the guy,_ that she told her daughter about her every night. But she couldn't. So instead she bit her lip, and faked a smile. She wondered how Bevin couldnt see it, when in her eyes Beth was a minature Luke. An overwhelming wave of sadness hit her, when she realised that Beth may get to be her age, and not able to tell her friends about her Dad. When Brooke loooked back up at Bevin, her former friend had sensed the uncomfortable atmosphere and made her excuses before leaving. And then it was just Brooke and Beth again.

* * *

Lucas stood at the airport, his heart thudding in his chest. Peyton had driven him over and kissed him goodbye right before check in, but now he was alone. He had finally finished his second book and was flying out to New York to meet with his editor and publishers, he should have been on top of the world, but instead he was just nervous. He wasn't nervous about the book, he had a good feeling about it, and Lindsay had loved the manuscript he had sent to her. No, he was worried about Brooke.

It had been about a year since her disappearance and he figured that she must be back in New York now, and just too busy to call back. A new magazine had come out, B. Davis and he had bought the first one he had ever seen, an almost identical cover to the one Brooke had shown him in her apartment all those nights ago. Her company had gone huge, shops had been opening up all over the place and there were constant articles about her in the papers, they always made him feel nostalgic though, about how he wasn't part of her success.

His plane had been delayed and so he had spent the last hour thinking about Brooke, rather than reading his worn book. How the last time he was in this position, she had emerged from the crowd and his heart had stopped. He loved Peyton, but he couldn't help but think about his ex. He had never really allowed himself to think about that night, he was too terrified of what might happen if he did. Had it meant anything? He'd asked himself that constantly. But he hadn't been ready to be with someone else, not so soon after Peyton, so instead he had steered clear of her for the weeks after their night together, until he had flown home to Tree Hill. He had been worried about Peyton finding out, of making things awkward between them, but most of all he was petrified of falling for Brooke again.

So he watched her life in pictures for the next couple of months, watched every interview she gave, saw every picture and read every article, but he saw through her. She wasn't happy, her smile was always strained. Lucas had put it down to growing up, and the stress of running a multi-million dollar company and tried to forget about the dimples that haunted his sleep, and instead focused on Peyton. Peyton was his life now, he and Brooke had been over for a long time and a night couldn't change that.

Lucas Scott found himself reminding himself of that, as he finally boarded his plane.

* * *

"Suddenly it was if the roar of the crowd, the echo of the final buzzer, the cheers of my teammates, were sounding from a thousand miles away. And what remained in that bizarre, muffled silence was only Peyton. The girl whose art, passion, and beauty had changed my life. In that moment, my triumph was not a state championship, but simple clarity. The realization that we had always been meant for each other, and every instinct to the contrary had simply been a denial of the following truth. I was now and would always be in love with Peyton Sawyer." Brooke whispered the last words and closed the book, leaning forward to check if her daughter was asleep. Satisfied, she placed the book on Beth's dresser and tried to silently slip out of the darkened room.

She couldn't quite remember when she had started reading "An Unkindness of Ravens" to Beth, but she had finished it for the first time with her daughter tonight. The book had been published halfway though her pregnancy and she had read it several times since. As she left the room, she stopped and surveyed it again. Above the beautiful wooden, white crib in which Beth slept was a collage she had made herself. It wasn't fair for Beth to never know her father, so she had created a huge collage of all the pictures she had of Lucas, and hung it above the crib. There were pictures from their first relationship, and their second. Pictures of him before she had even met him, which she had snaffled from Haley. Photos of him with Peyton, their arms entwined and complete with matching smiles. And then there was the picture of him in the top left corner that nobody ever noticed. The one where he was asleep, her head snuggled next to him. It was the last picture of them ever taken. She had snapped it just before he woke up and only found it on her phone a few weeks after Beth's birth.

Sighing she turned away and headed for the kitchen. In the kitchen there was a cabinet, which housed an old cardboard box, an old box complete with letters. They were a mixture of letters back from when she was seventeen and in California for the summer, pining for the boy that had broken her heart, and of letters written more recently.

But the one tonight was going to be different. Because Brooke had promised herself, that tonight, she would finally send it.

She had felt terrible every time anyone brought up Lucas, and even sometimes when no one did. He deserved better than this, he deserved more than just being written out of his daughter's life, without even having the chance to fight for her. He should get to watch her grow up, just like Brooke was. She shouldn't take that away from him, just because she thought she was right. The more she had watched Beth grow, the more the guilt of what she had done began to grow as well.

She knew what she wanted to tell him, she wanted to tell him everything, but she couldn't do that. So instead she sat down and wrote what she thought, what she felt.

"Lucas Scott.

Letter #109"

It was pushing midnight by the time she finished, and she wiped her bleary eyes and pushed the thick wodge of paper into the envelope, and licked it, so she couldn't go back and agonize over every word she had written. She carefully printed his address – his new address, his address that he no doubt shared with Peyton – and left it on the table, determined to post it first thing in the morning, determined to finally make things right.


	5. Can't go back, now I'm haunted

**A/N Sorry its so short :/ I probably wont get a chance to update again before Christmas, but will before New Years :) Leave me a review as a Christmas pressie? Merry Christmas to all my wonderful readers and reviewers :-)**

"Oh No, don't cry Beth. Please don't cry." Brooke frantically tried to soothe her daughter as she stood in line at the post office. It was nearly ten in the morning, but she had been up since five with Beth. She had been in a bad mood all morning and Brooke was beginning to wonder if Beth's mood was a sign for her not to post the letter.

"Cah." Beth gurgled unhappily, but quieted down, much to Brookes relief. Absentmindedly Brooke picked up a magazine and began to browse through it, nothing interesting her particularly. Until she saw it. Her heart jumped all the way to her throat, and then fell to the pit of her stomach. Her chest felt suffocated and she couldn't breathe. All she could do was clutch her letter in her hand, tighter and tighter and try to control herself. All she knew was she needed to get out of that damn store right now.

"Excuse me!" She called, and the cashier looked up. Brooke waved a ten dollar bill at her and dropped it on the counter and maneuvered herself out of the shop as quickly as she could considering the bulky buggy that Beth was residing in. Without thinking she began to walk, desperately trying to clear her mind.

* * *

Meanwhile Lucas was doing exactly the same thing except in New York. He had only been here a night but already he was tired of the city. New York had never really done it for him. Maybe it was just being raised in Tree Hill, but big cities never appealed to him the way they did to Peyton, or Brooke. Brooke. New York would inevitably always remind him off Brooke. It was her city, the way that LA was Peyton's. And Lucas? His city? He wasn't sure he had one.

He didn't have a meeting until about 3pm and had subsequently decided to wonder around the streets and had somehow ended up outside Brooke apartment building. He could still remember the last time he was here, her mother's face when she thought that he was proposing to Brooke, he could see Brookes smile as she looked at the ring intended for Peyton, and the wistful look in her eyes that they had both pretended didn't exist. He had promised himself that he would find Brooke while he was here, not necessarily see her, but just make sure she was okay. After all he had promised her he would always save her, and what if right now she needed saving?

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open and padded across the plush carpet of the lobby, feeling increasingly out of place. He reached the counter and rested his arm gently on it, trying to look casual and not show that his heart was beating a thousand times a second.

"Can I help you?" He recognized the man behind the desk from last time he was here. Brooke had winked at him as she sauntered past, Lucas trailing behind her and Lucas had watched in fascination the blush that had worked its way onto the man's face.

"I'm looking for Brooke? Brooke Davis?" Lucas licked his lips anxiously, his mouth suddenly bone dry.

The man looked up at him for the first time, and Lucas thought he saw a flash of recognition in the, mans eyes, but it passed just as quickly as it came.

"She doesn't live here anymore." He told Lucas, in a flat monotone, "She moved out almost a year ago now and hasn't been back since."

"What do you mean? She sold her place, or she just…" HE could barely bring himself to say it, "Just left?"

The man shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. She hasn't sold it, but she left with all her stuff and never came back."

Lucas closed his eyes, trying to think of where the hell she would've just disappeared to.

"Thank you anyway." He said opening his eyes, and nodding at the man before turning and exiting. Brooke had just left New York? Left her company and her dream behind her? Lucas hadn't been this confused in a long time, so reluctantly he began to make his way back to his hotel.

* * *

"Did you know about it Haley?" Brooke asked her best friend, as she glanced nervously towards the baby monitor sitting on the table next to the sofa that she was sitting on.

Haley let out a deep sigh and pursed her lips, carefully observing her friend. Brooke had turned up earlier today, shoving a magazine in her face and ranting about how she was right not to tell Lucas about Beth. Then after she was inside, she had promptly burst into tears and began to wail on about things that Haley could barely make out, that had set Beth off and Haley hadn't been sure who to soothe first. In the end she had gone for Beth, picking the infant up and taking her upstairs to Jamie's room. She had changed her and then put her down in Jamie's crib, it was a little big for a six month old, but it would do. After that she had gone downstairs to find Brooke sitting on her sofa, with puffy eyes, but quiet now, a magazine clutched in her hand. She hadn't said anything, so Haley had instead pried it out of her hands and read it herself.

"Kind of." Haley admitted, biting her lip as she watched Brookes face fall.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Brooke asked in a small voice, trying not to let on how hurt she really was.

"I'm sorry Tigger. I just didn't want to upset you. And I thought if I told you, you wouldn't even consider telling him about Beth and I know that you have been thinking of doing it recently…" Haley tailed off, and instead offered Brooke a small smile.

"How did you know I was thinking of that?" Brooke asked.

"Cause I know you. I see the look in your eye when anyone brings up his name, or sometimes when you look at Beth. I know that you probably feel really bad, but Brooke, just tell him. I promise you, it's the best thing you can do."

After a moment or two of silence Brooke began to speak again.

"I wrote him a letter last night. About everything. I was going to send it today, that's why I was in the post office."

"Oh Tigger." Haley whispered, watching as her best friends eyes glossed over with tears.

"But then I read the article, and I couldn't send it." She pressed her lips together as she desperately tried to contain the sob that was about to escape her.

Before Haley could say anything, they were cut off by the shrill ring of the phone.

"Hello?" Haley asked, her eyes still fixed on Brooke who was trying to force herself not to cry.

"Hales? Its me." Haley's eyes widened and she looked away from Brooke.

"Lucas?"

"Yeah?" He laughed, "Who else would it be?"

"Can I call you back?" She could see that Brooke had stopped snuffling, and was now looking curiously at Haley, wondering who she was talking to.

"Hales…" His voice was pleading, "I really need to talk to you."

"Okay, whats up?" She looked away from Brookes accusing glare and stared out the window instead.

"Its Brooke." It spilled out of his mouth so quickly, even he was taken aback.

"What about Brooke?" Haley asked, looking back at Brooke with raised eyebrows. Brookes expression had softened and she was now trying to listen in to the conversation.

"I'm in New York and I went by her building and the doorman told me she moved out months ago."

"Uh huh."

"And I know you said you don't know where she is, but if you do and she asked you not to say anything, then just please tell me, because I am freaking out over here."

"Oh Luke…" Haley whispered,

"Hales…"

"Luke, its complicated." She looked up and met Brookes eyes.

"Don't you dare Haley." Brooke mouthed frantically, seeing that her best friend was about to give in.

"What? Haley? What do you know?"

"She's safe." Haley blurted out, ignoring Brooke's dramatic arm gesture, "And happy. Leave her be Luke, if she wants to be found, she'll let you know."

"Haley, where is she?"

" I don't know. She hasn't told me."

Brooke gave her a watery smile, and Haley smiled back, feeling terrible for lying to her long time friend.

"Haley, are you lying to me?"

"Me, lying?" Her voice increased in pitch slightly, "Why would I be lying? Look Lucas, I have to go, Jamie's…erm, he's about to fall off the couch, Bye!" She hung up before he could say anything and she and Brooke stood in awkward silence for a moment.

"Well that went well." Haley said.

"Yeah, just great." Brooke replied, "But thanks. I know he's your friend, so thanks for lying for me."

Haley shrugged.

"I told you, I'm here for you Tigger. But I think you should tell him, before it's too late."

Brooke nodded.

* * *

It was later that night and Brooke had finally managed to settle Beth down after dinner, and now she was once again sitting alone at her table. In her hands was the letter she had written to Lucas, a little crumpled but still okay. But she knew in her heart that she wasn't going to send it. Especially not now. Lucas had written his second book, a book no doubt about Peyton and their life in LA together, a novel all about the epic romance that was Peyton and Lucas, a romance for the ages. Where would a baby fit into that? Where would she? Sighing she pushed the letter into its box, and hastily replaced the box into its hiding place. As if it had never existed.


	6. Killing me softly

**A/N I am so sorry about the late update, but I've been so busy with Christmas and family and revision. Anyway, here is the sixth chapter, and yes it does contain Leyton (dont hate on the story just for that) but I promise pretty soon there will be lots of Brucas interaction ;) Review :)**

Lucas Scott had been in New York for four nights and five whole days, and Peyton Sawyer was going crazy. She couldn't remember ever being this infatuated with anyone, and she didn't know what to do. She went around her normal day, but the whole time she was wondering why no one else could see it. Surely they could all see that half of her was missing? Because, Peyton had decided, that without Lucas she was only a shadow of a person, unable to be whole. She phoned him every morning and every night. And at lunchtime. And sometimes just when she had a spare few moments. He'd called her once. To tell her he got there okay. He didn't pick up half of her calls, preferring instead to send her long romantic texts. She told herself it was because he was in meeting all day. She couldn't bear to even think it was just because he didn't miss her as much as she did.

Also, she couldn't help but be slightly disturbed by the fact that he had written a whole book and not let her read it. He had shown her snippets, but she hadn't read the whole thing, or even a complete chapter yet. She understood that writing for him was personal, but she's his girlfriend. Surely he should trust her?

He hasn't mentioned their anniversary either, so maybe that's why she's so tense. Its been exactly a year since he gave up everything, to move in with her, because he told her that she was his forever. That he could never be the same without Peyton Sawyer in his life. She wonders if he even remembers saying those words now.

She's alone on her anniversary. This isn't how it's meant to be. He was meant to fly home and surprise her with champagne and chocolates and a vintage record, and she can't believe she's even thinking of this, a wedding ring. Because if she had just said yes when he asked her, then they wouldn't have ended up this way. They would be married by now, and the whole world would know that Lucas Scott was Peyton's, forever.

But she had said no. Actually scratch that, she hadn't said no, she had said not now. Maybe, if she told Lucas she was ready, then things would go back to how they were before. They could go back to long, lazy nights in, lying on the sofa and picking at a takeaway while she lay with her head on his lap, and he read out loud to her. Where had those days gone?

All Peyton knew, was she needed Lucas to understand how much she loved him, how much she needed him, and how much she wanted him. She wanted to fly to New York, to tell him to fly to Vegas with her, to get married just the two of them, no one else would need to know. But the truth was, she was too scared. Because right now, she was petrified that Lucas Scott didn't love her the same way she loved him.

* * *

It was their anniversary today. He had realized it earlier today when he was getting breakfast and meant to call Peyton to say something, but he hadn't. The urgency he had once felt for Peyton, was slowly ebbing away the more time they spent apart and he was beginning to worry that maybe they were right, maybe he only loved what he didn't have. Peyton was in love with him and he knew it, so was that why he wasn't calling her back? A year ago, when he barely saw her, spending time with her was the most important thing in the world; nothing else had mattered to him.

He loved her, he couldn't deny that and he never would. HE had spent years of his life lusting over her and now she was his, his dream had become a reality. He had told Haley in the 8th Grade that he was going to Marry Peyton Sawyer, but now, he wasn't sure if that was still his dream. But she was still Peyton, she was the girl that had always been there. She had watched him, and waited for him when he was with Brooke, she had been his best friend, his girlfriend, his everything. If anyone was the one, then surely it was Peyton Sawyer?

Just then he felt his phone begin to vibrate in his pocket and he automatically reached for it.

Peyton.

Her name lit up his phone, just not his heart.

"Hello?"

"Hey Baby." He couldn't help but smile at her voice, soft and smooth and sweet.

"Happy Anniversary." He whispered down the line,

"Back atcha. So I was wondering…" She said trailing off nervously, he could almost see her face in the mind, anxious and tense and he couldn't help but speculate about what she was talking about.

"Wondering about what?"

"If it still stands."

"If what still stands?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Peyt, you've lost me."

"When you asked me to marry you, does it still stand?" It came out too quickly, all in one breath, and she felt her heart sink when he didn't reply.

He took a deep breath and tried to steady his nerves. This wasn't meant to happen. Not like this. She couldn't do this, it was meant to be him. What was she doing?

"Peyton." If her heart had sunk before, it was now plummeting downwards, past the ground, right down to the centre of Earth.

"No, No its okay." She tried to backtrack, to cover up how she felt, try to pretend that her heart wasn't breaking more with every second that passed.

"Peyton, don't do this."

"It's okay, I get it Luke. You don't want to marry me anymore."

"Peyton! It's not that." He sighed again, and ran his hand through his tousled sandy hair.

"It's just, this isn't right. I'm meant to propose, you're not meant to call me up when I'm on the other side of the country."

"But you did propose, you asked me to marry you. " Her voice was higher than usual, with a touch of hysteria about it, "You got down on one knee, and you said 'I love you and I want us to be together forever.' Or did you forget Lucas?"

"Peyton! Calm down."

"What changed Luke? Because I don't understand. Help me out here. You left me because I wouldn't marry you, you turned and you walked away from everything we had. And now, I'm ready, I love you Lucas, damn it! I'm ready, so why don't you want me anymore?" She was full on hysterical now, and Lucas found himself feeling worse about the situation.

"I love you."

"Damn it Luke. Don't say I love you like it will fix everything. Do you even want to marry me?"

He did, he had too. She was Peyton Sawyer and she was begging him to marry her.

"Of course I do." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"You do?" Her voice was breathless with excitement.

"I do."

"So we'll figure it out when you get home?"

"Yeah, I guess we will."

"I love you Luke."

He closed his phone without replying. So this was it. This was what it felt like to be engaged. This is what he had waited for, for so long and now it was happening. They were really going to do it. They were going to get married.

* * *

Haley was trying to clean her house, when the phone rang again, interrupting her in the middle of the washing up. Sighing, she wiped her hands on her jeans and reached for the phone.

"Hello?" She asked tiredly, not bothering to look at the caller id.

"Hey Hales, sorry to disturb you."

"No, its fine Luke, what's up." She tried to balance the phone between her head and shoulder so she could finish the washing up before Jamie woke up from his afternoon nap.

"I think I just got engaged." His voice sounds so distant, so far away, that for a moment Haley can't believe what she heard.

"That's great Luke! I'm so happy for you." She tried to sound sincere, but all she could think about Brooke and how this would break her heart and how Beth would never get to know her Daddy if Brooke found out about this.

"Yeah, it's great, isn't it?" Taken aback, Haley changed her tone.

"Are you okay Luke? Cause no offence, but you don't exactly sound thrilled."

"I am. I should be, I mean this is what I wanted, isn't it?"

"Hold on, I don't understand. You ask her to marry you, she says yes, and you're upset? What did you want to happen? Her to say no again?"

"I didn't propose to her again Haley." He sounded tired, and defeated.

"What?"

"We had a fight…and I think it ended with us getting engaged."

"What? How can you think you're engaged, but not be sure?" Haley had gotten so absorbed in the conversation that she had given up on the conversation, and was instead sitting at the table.

"I don't know! She was yelling down the phone at me, and I don't know Haley."

"Oh Luke. Do you love her?"

He mutely nodded, before realizing that she couldn't see him.

"Yeah, of course I do."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Haley didn't believe him.

"I just want you to be happy Lucas."

"Yeah… well thanks Haley, I've gotta run, but take care of yourself and say Hi to Nathan and Jamie for me, okay?"

The phone went dead before she could reply, but she already knew what she had to do.

* * *

"Haley?" Brooke said, as she opened the door and let her friend in, "Was I expecting you?"

Haley shook her head and scanned the room.

"I just came round because, well I think Jamie left his digger here yesterday and he's really missing it. Do you think you could look in Beth's room for me?"

Brooke immediately looked concerned and nodded.

"I hadn't noticed it, but I'll go check."

Haley smiled, and wondered why she had never considered a career in acting. As soon as Brooke had disappeared upstairs, Haley immediately made for the kitchen, and a specific cupboard. Glancing towards the stairs, she checked Brooke wasn't coming down, before flinging the door open and rummaging through dozens of letters until she found the one she wanted. Quickly she shoved it in her pocket and hastily closed the door and dashed back to her spot by the still open front door.

She had known that was where Brooke hid her letters for months, she had stumbled upon the cupboard back when Beth was only a few weeks old and she was looking for extra diapers. Brooke had been upstairs and upon realizing what they were, she had shoved them back into the cupboard, as if she had never been there.

"Well I don't see it TutorMom." Brooke called out as she descended the stairs, "Are you sure he left it here?"

Haley shrugged, and smiled.

"I guess not. Thanks anyway though Tigger, I gotta run though, Jamie's in the car and Nathan will be home soon." Brooke smiled and nodded in understanding, and hugged her friend goodbye.

Once she was safely away from Brooke, and the letter was posted, Haley began to wonder if she had done the right thing. She drove herself crazy with guilt the whole night. But deep down she knew she had done the right thing, and if Beth got her dad because of it, then Haley decided she would never regret sending it.


	7. Coming Home

**A/N Wow. It has been so long since I updated this story. I'm really sorry. Anyway, I only have a few more GCSE's and then I can start writing again and finally finish this. I hope this chapter lives up to peoples expectations, I know its been a long time coming :) Review please :)**

Lucas Scott had expected lots of things to have changed when he got home. He knew his relationship with Peyton was definitely going to be different now that they were –sort of – engaged. His office would look different too; he had cleaned it up before he had left, so that he could move on with a new novel once he returned home. He had expected Peyton to be at home, waiting for him on the sofa, while her latest 'favorite band' played softly in the background. He had been expecting a postcard from his Mom, and perhaps a picture of Jamie from Haley – she sent them almost weekly, now that he didn't see Jamie all the time. What he hadn't expected, was a letter from Brooke.

What he definitely hadn't expected was a letter from Brooke telling him that he had a daughter.

That he hadn't seen coming. Instead he read the letter over and over, until her words were permanently etched in his brain and wondered why on Earth he hadn't seen this coming. He had managed to find his way to the sofa, where he sat with his head in his hands, until Peyton came home almost three hours later. He had looked up with her with bleary eyes, and whispered hoarsely;

"I have a daughter."

Her face had dropped, her heart had started to beat so fast, she was sure it was going to break right out of her chest, she had so many questions, but she couldn't move, she couldn't speak. Instead she had stared at Lucas, at his broken expression and she had wondered how on Earth this had happened, he had only been gone for a week.

She had watched him silently as he told her he had to go, but that didn't mean he didn't love her, he just couldn't bear to be like Dan. She had followed him to his study, where he had opened up his computer and told her he was booking a plane ticket. She wasn't sure what she should say. So instead she made dinner. She boiled pasta, and stirred the sauce round the saucepan as if this was a normal day, as if her fiancé wasn't about to leave to go find his daughter. She didn't understand. They had been together since High School. When had he even had a chance to have a daughter? Had he cheated on her? She pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind as she began to lay the table. She was about to serve up, when Lucas reappeared, a piece of paper clutched in his hand.

She swallowed her pride, and tried to muster a smile onto her face.

"I made dinner." She said, gesturing at the plate in front of her.

He had watched her intently, a variety of emotions all over his face, and he had walked over to her and pulled her close.

"I love you Peyton." He had whispered into her hair, as she clung to him for dear life, "and this doesn't change that. Okay? I'll be home soon, I promise."

Peyton nodded into his shoulder, unable to formulate actual words.

He released her from his grip and headed back towards the front door, reaching for the suitcase he'd put down only hours ago. He gave one last look at his LA life, before he headed back towards the madness that was Tree Hill.

* * *

Nathan was playing an away game. Again. Haley was consoling herself with a glass of white wine – Jamie was already in bed, so what was the harm? – And a rerun of a cheesy old show, when her night was interrupted by the ringing of her doorbell. Sighing she heaved herself off of the sofa – she knew that eating a whole pizza was a mistake – and padded towards the front door.

She had barely opened the door, when it was flung back with such force that she took a few steps backs into the house.

"Where is she?" Lucas was standing in front of her, but something had changed. She had seen Lucas through a lot, they had grown up together after all, but she had never seen him like this. She had never been genuinely terrified of him before.

Lucas slammed the door shut behind him as he advanced into the house, his eyes fixed on Haley's.

"You know where she is, so god dammit Haley, tell me where she is!"

"Lucas..." Haley stepped towards him, reminding herself that this was Lucas, he wasn't going to hurt her, or Brooke or anyone because he isn't that kind of guy.

"NO!" He yelled back at her, his blue eyes blazing with anger.

He leant towards her, his face only inches from hers.

"You knew about this." He hissed, "You knew that I had a daughter and you didn't tell me. You told me you didn't know where she was. You lied to me and I will never forgive you."

Haley stepped back, he back pressing against the wall, and she blinked rapidly trying to stop the tears in her eyes from brimming over.

"Luke…I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you from the beginning, but it wasn't mine to tell."

She reached her hand out towards him but he pushed it away. Suddenly she realized he doesn't look angry anymore, just defeated.

"What's she like." He finally manages, his voice hoarse.

"She beautiful Luke, she looks just like you. When she smiles, you cant help but just melt. She's amazing, Luke."

She watched him shakily inhale, and exhale.

"Don't be mad Luke."

"Haley," He looks back at up her, "how can I not be mad? Just please, tell me where she is."

He's rubbing his temples, and she cant help but fel sorry for him.

"345 Mayhew." The words are out of her mouth before she even realizes.

"345 Mayhew." He repeats back to her.

"The one with the red door."

He nods slowly, and begins to retreat towards her front door. She watches him get in a car and drive away, and for the first time the seriousness of what she has done really hits her.

* * *

He stood outside on her porch for sometime, wondering how he should go about this. Should he yell at her, express his fury at what she had done? She he hug her and apologise for not being there? Should he kiss her and ask if she wanted to be a family? Or should he walk away now, and leave them be? He wasn't in High School anymore, he couldn't just walk away when things were hard. He had a daughter now, he was engaged, he was really a grown up. He reached up and pressed the buzzer before he could freak out.

Time dragged on in the time he waited for her to open the door. He heard her footsteps on the hard wood floor, and waited with baited breath as the door swung open.

She didn't even need to say a word, her face said it all. She just looked at him for what felt forever, and for that moment, he forgot he was angry, he just wanted to pull her close again, as if they'd never been apart.

"Lucas." She managed finally, "Wha-"

He cut her off,

"I know Brooke, so you can cut the crap."

Her heart was pounding in her chest, this wasn't how it was meant to go, she was meant to tell him herself. He wasn't meant to just show up on her doorstep.

"Lucas…I can explain." Her voice was raspier than usual, almost cracking from the emotion, from the anger in his blue eyes, in the eyes that she looked into everyday.

"NO BROOKE, YOU CANT." He was yelling now, and she could feel the tears creeping into her eyes.

"Luke…" She took a step towards him, he needed to understand.

"NO BROOKE." He shook his head and lowered his voice, "How could you do that?" He didn't seem angry anymore, just disgusted.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, as a tear finally spilled over.

"Sorry, isn't good enough."

She wiped away her tears and stared defiantly back at him. This wasn't the Lucas Scott she remembered, who she had told her daughter about. Lucas wouldn't be so cruel to her.

"Then leave." The words had spilled out of her mouth all too quickly, and were no just hanging in the air between them.

"Excuse me?"

"If you came here to yell at me, and tell me what a horrible person I am, you can just leave right now. I don't want you in my life, or Beth's life if you're going to be like that."

His breath caught in his chest.

"Beth." He whispered softly.

Brooke nodded, desperatly trying to figure out where to go from here. She settled on doing what she thought was best for Beth.

"Want to come in?"

He nodded, and followed her into the kitchen, shutting her front door behind him.

"Can I see her?"

Brooke shook her head at his request.

"Its late Lucas, she's asleep. She just started sleeping most of the way through the night and I really don't want to wake her up."

Lucas looked down at the floor. He should know that. He should know that his daughter had just started to sleep through nights.

"Brooke." He looked up at her, with his soulful, broken eyes and she wanted to cry all over again.

"I told her about you."

Brooke paused and watched his face, how his lips twitched slightly, and he closed his eyes briefly.

"Everyday. The night she was born, I told her all about you, and Peyton and everything. I told her if you knew her, you would love her. I read her your book, Luke, every night. We only just finished it."

Lucas frowned.

"You read her my book?" He asked incredulously.

"Well, yeah."

"You read a book about Peyton to her?"

Brooke sighed, and ran her fingers through her tousled hair.

"Luke, don't you understand? I'm not angry that you love Peyton. You're with her now, I get that. But reading her that book, was a way of giving her part of her dad. You probably don't understand, but I had too."

"Brooke…" She could hear the emotion in his voice, but she couldn't do this now.

"Luke. I'm going to bed. We can talk in the morning. The guest bedroom is upstairs. You want me to take you."

He nodded, and trailed after her as she climbed the stairs.

"The bathrooms there," She gestured with her hand, "Your room is just there."

"Thanks Brooke." He whispered.

"Don't mention it." She replied, as she disappeared through a door, unable to stand there with him a moment longer. Once she was safely inside her room, tucked up in bed she let herself cry. She cried because he was so angry, because he didn't look at her the same, but she also cried for her best friend, who she knew would be sitting at home, alone, right now.

* * *

Lucas couldn't sleep. How could he, knowing that only a few rooms away his daughter was sleeping, blissfully unaware that her father was there. He still could barely believe that he had a daughter. He had always thought about this moment, since he was a teenager. He'd promised himself that he would look after his family, unlike how Dan had looked after him and his Mom. He'd always figured that when he did have children, he would always be there for them, from when then were tiny babies, till grown ups, and now…Now he had felt like he had let her down. He hadn't been there when she was born, or little, and even if he did get to know her, and have a relationship with her, he would never be able to talk about how tiny she was when she was born, or her first smile or anything. He had missed so much of his daughters life already. That was when he realized it. He didn't even know how old she was.

He sat up, no longer trying to lull himself to sleep with his thoughts. All he knew about his daughter was that she was called Beth and looked like him. He didn't know her middle name, her birthday, her routine, or any of her favorite things to do. Did she like to be held a lot? What was her favorite food? Was she even eating solid food? He had so many questions about his daughter.

He reached for his phone and blinked as the light lit up his darkened room. He thought about calling Peyton, letting her know that he was okay, but decided against it. Somehow it felt almost wrong, calling Peyton while in Brooke's house. He though t about phoning his Mom, Europe was hour's ahead time wise, and his Mom always got up early because of Lily, but he decided against it. If he told her about Beth, then she would want to know everything about her newly discovered granddaughter, and he would feel like a failure if all he could offer her was her name and that she looked like him. Which he didn't even know, since he hadn't seen even seen her yet.

Sighing, he put his phone back on the bedside table, and looked around the room, hoping for any clues about Brooke and his daughters life. Disappointingly, it was just a generic spare room. Double bed, white sheets, chest of drawers, mirror and an armchair. No pictures, nothing.

Lucas clambered out of bed and sat instead of the armchair, knowing he wouldn't succumb to sleep any time soon. Instead he sat up all night, torturing himself with thoughts of his failure as a father.


	8. Think I'm fallin' for you

**A/N So, I've almost finished this story, so the next chapter should be up at the weekend I think. I would really love it if this story made it to a hundred reviews, so for everyone thats favourited it, or has it on alert if you could just leave me a little something it would be much appreciated. Anyway, this is the chapter that I think everyone has been waiting for. I'm not completely happy with it, but this was my favourite version so I just went with it. Thanks to everyone that reviewed, and as a treat because its almost the end, if anyone wants a sneak peek at the next chapter just send me a message and I'll send you a little preview :) **

"Morning Pretty Girl."

Brooke's head jolted towards the sound, as she shuffled into the kitchen at half past six. She met Lucas's eye, and quickly turned away again. This was the moment she had dreamt about for months and months. Where she would wake up and find Lucas sitting in her kitchen, with his sexily ruffled morning hair, and a tight T shirt on. Except in her dream, she nearly always kissed him goodmorning, following the words, 'Morning Boyfriend.'

Shaking her head slightly, Brooke bought herself back to reality.

"Morning."

Truthfully, she hadn't quite expected him to be up this early. Ever since High School had finished Brooke hadn't had a single lie in, except for the days following Beth's return form hospital, when the days blurred into the nights. Today she had been woken up by her cell phone, a call from her assistant, Millie, asking her whose turn it was to open the store. Brooke had quickly told her that something had come up, and that she couldn't make it in today, and then hung up and showered. She had expected Lucas wouldn't be up for at least another hour, yet here he was, sitting at her table, writing.

"What are you writing?" Brooke managed to say, as she began making coffee.

Lucas looked down at the papers in front of him, and shuffled them into a pile. If this was Peyton he would just shrug the question off, and change the subject. But this was Brooke.

"They're letters." He replied, as he stood up, "letters to Keith."

A look of pity flashed through Brooke's eyes, but she quickly tried to cover it up, and Lucas was taken back to the dark days, when she was there, waiting for him to be okay, holding his hand as he walked back into those haunted hallways.

"Brooke." He mumbled, and suddenly his arms were around her, and her head was in his chest, and for a moment it was just the two of them again. No one else mattered. And then a wail ripped though the air.

Brooke immediately jumped back from Lucas's hold, and motioned uncertainly to the stairs.

"I'll get her." She said slowly and awkwardly as she disappeared up the stairs.

Lucas was frozen, his heart thudding beneath his T shirt. This was it; he was about to meet his daughter, see her.

Meanwhile Brooke had changed her daughter's nappy, and was now just holding her in her arms, content to feel her chest rise and fall, and inhale her sweet baby scent. This was the last moment she would ever have, when it was just her and Beth. From now on she would have to share her with Lucas.

"Hey baby girl, you're gonna go meet Daddy now." Brooke cooed to her daughter, who stared back up at her with her father's eyes, "but even though you're going to love Daddy, please don't forget to love me too, okay Bethie?"

Beth reached her hand out, and grabbed a chunk of Brooke's hair and tugged, laughing at her Mum's expression, and Brooke couldn't help but laugh too.

"You ready?" She asked, more for herself than for Beth, and taking a deep breath, she walked down the stairs, her eyes not quite meeting Lucas.

She came to a stop just in front of him, and she managed to look up at his eyes, but his were just fixed on Beth, who was staring back at him.

"Lucas." She said, and his eyes snapped back to her for a moment, "This is Beth."

As a writer, Lucas Scott was meant to have a way with words, but as he looked into his daughters eyes, the same eyes he saw everyday in his own reflection, he was speechless. She was flawless, and perfect, and he never wanted to take his eyes off of her. Haley was right, she did look like him. But then she looked like Brooke too. It was then that he realized, he could stay here forever, just him and his daughter and Brooke.

"DO you want to hold her?" Brooke managed to choke out, suddenly tearful at the sight of Lucas and Beth finally together.

Lucas looked back up at her.

"I don't know how?" He finally replied.

"Just hold her bum, and her neck a little." Brooke said, as she handed her daughter over to Lucas.

Her weight in his arms, her little gummy baby smile, made his heart melt.

"Hey Beth," He whispered to his daughter, "I'm your Daddy and it's so good to meet you."

Beth just gurgled, and reached her hand up towards his face and grabbed his nose.

"That's my nose Beth, but you can have it if you want." Beth giggled but started to move around, whining a little.

Brooke sensed her discomfort and immediately swooped in and took her daughter back, holding her close to her chest. She looked up and met Lucas's troubled eyes.

"She's not so great with strangers." She explained, and his face dropped, "And she's hungry." Brooke tried again, desperately bouncing Beth on her hip, unsure of who she should soothe.

"If you'd told me you were pregnant, I wouldn't be a stranger."

She willed herself not to cry, not in front of her daughter, and not over Lucas. Not anymore.

Instead she placed Beth into her high chair and strapped her in, before turning back and facing Lucas.

"Maybe if you hadn't gone running back off to Peyton, I would have. " She opened the fridge and pulled out a container of what to Lucas, looked like bright orange mush.

"Breakfast time baby." She called to Beth, as she grabbed a plastic bowl and spoon. She dolloped some into the bowl, and Lucas watched in fascination as she sat beside Beth and fed her breakfast, while constantly chattering to her, despite the fact that all she got in response was gurgling and one syllable sounds.

"Brooke." He called suddenly, distracting her from feeding Beth.

"Yeah," She replied, not meeting his eyes.

"What's her name? Her full name."

Brooke managed to raise her eyes, so she wasn't looking at the floor. She owed him that much.

"Elizabeth Delilah Davis."

He nodded, and couldn't help but feel a flood of disappointment at her surname. Brooke had given her everything she had. Her name, her house, her love and he hadn't done anything.

"Don't feel bad Luke."

She was looking at him, and he wanted to fall apart right there, and sob on her shoulder, but he couldn't. He would never admit it, but Brooke Davis had hurt him too, just as much as she hurt him. But she had never hurt him like this. She had made him into someone he swore he would never become, she had made him Dan.

* * *

Brooke and Lucas were walking along by the river, on their way to the childrens playground. Lucas had been quiet since breakfast, and Brooke wasn't sure what she could say to diffuse the situation. She wanted him to tell her what he was feeling, to let her in. But this was Lucas after all. He never let anyone in. Let alone Brooke.

"I'm sorry." She tried, for lack of knowing what else to say.

He turned and looked at her with his piercing blue eyes, and shook his head at her.

"I should have been there Brooke. I would've been there for you – for both of you – if you had just given me a chance."

Brooke bit her lip, just so she wouldn't make a retort about him choosing Peyton. She wouldn't do that, not in front of her daughter.

"I was going to tell you." She insisted, as they turned into the playground.

He laughed a little, and gave a wry smile.

"When? When she was eighteen and finally asked you about her father? When Brooke? Once I'd missed out on her whole childhood?"

"I don't know Lucas." She turned and faced him, unable to take any more. Did he honestly not realize that she had been living with this guilt everyday for the past year? Did he think that she wanted to be alone? That she didn't want him arms around her?

"Just stop. I made a mistake. I get it. But do you not remember how many mistakes you made? You cheated on me twice, Lucas. Twice, with my best friend. You come to New York and you tell me that you want me, that we should try again, and then you leave the next morning without ever looking back. So don't put this all on me." She hissed, as she unbuckled her daughter, and put the blissfully unaware baby into the swing.

She turned her back on him, and instead focused her attention on Beth, who was happily gurgling as Brooke gently pushed her. Lucas awkwardly stood behind her, not knowing what o say.

"I thought you were being serious. I thought you'd finally realized." He watched her shake her head.

"But that's Lucas Scott for you, a whole load of promises and a whole lot of nothing." She turned and smiled at him weakly, trying desperately to mask the pain she was feeling inside.

"Brooke…" He needed to say something, anything, that could change this situation. Yes, she had screwed up, but she was scared and lonely. And if he screwed this up, then he knew he might never get to know his daughter. That was something he couldn't deal with.

"I'm sorry I left that morning."

His words hung in the air between them for a moment. She met his eyes and then turned away again, focusing her attention on her daughter instead.

"I was angry and upset at first." Her voice was huskier than usual, as she tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over. "But then I realized, what really I probably knew all along. You and I aren't meant to be together. It's like you said, 'I'm not the guy for you Brooke Davis.' Yet I never quite let myself believe it, until now.

I came back to Tree Hill to tell you, because even though we weren't right together, you had a right to know that I was pregnant. I saw you at the airport that day Luke. Going to LA. So I went to Haley, and she told me you and Peyton got back together. "

Lucas watched her intently, wondering how different everything would have been, if Peyton hadn't called, or if he had said no.

"I called you. The night Beth was born. She was so beautiful, and so small and so perfect, that I just wanted to give her the world. I wanted her to have everything I never did. I wanted her to have two parents that would be there for her."

"No, you never called me Brooke. I would have known." There was a tight squeezing sensation in his chest, and he couldn't bear to think about all the opportunities he had missed.

"Peyton picked up." She didn't even have to look at him to know what he would look. The realization would be dawning on him now. She couldn't continue this with him, not here. SO she scooped Beth up, and told Lucas they were going home. He trailed behind them the whole way, lost in his thoughts.

* * *

"IS she asleep?" Brooke asked wearily as she sat Indian style on her sofa.

Lucas nodded, and sat down beside his ex.

"She fell asleep a while ago, I just didn't want to leave her." He admitted.

"I do that sometimes." Brooke smiled up at him, "she's so peaceful when she sleeps."

The pair trailed off into a comfortable silence, and Brooke felt herself moving closer to Lucas, her heart thudding so fast below her top, she was sure that he could hear it too.

"Lucas…" She said tilting her head to face his, losing herself in his blue eyes, but before she could say anything else, he had captured her lips in a soft, forgiving kiss.


	9. Never thought we'd have a last kiss

**A/N Wow, so this story has almost come to an end. I've finished the final chapter and I'm pretty happy with it, so that should be up soon. Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter, you're support and opinions mean so much to me. So take your time, and enjoy this second to last chapter :) Review please :) It will literally make my day :)**

* * *

Her blonde curls hung around her forlorn face, and her hands tapped agitatedly on her armrest. Even her ipod wasn't soothing her frazzled nerves. Peyton Sawyer's life had changed inexplicably in the last few days. She had gotten engaged, found out her fiancée had a child. And then the latest bomb to be dropped on her had been this. Brooke Davis was the mother of the child.

He had told her she didn't have to fly out there, but she had known otherwise. If she didn't, she would lose him to Brooke and she couldn't bear that. She loved Brooke, she had been her best friend for years, but Peyton knew that when it came down to it, if she could choose to only have Lucas or Brooke in her life, she would choose Lucas in a heartbeat.

She was addicted to him. Everything he did made her heart stop, and her mind spin. Hell, he was the only guy she would do this for, she could forgive him for having a daughter with Brooke, anything, just so long as she didn't lose him.

Beth. That was his daughter's name. He had told her over the phone, late last night, he had gushed about how beautiful she was. He told her that Beth was the most perfect person in the world, and that he had never loved anyone more. It was like a slap in the face for Peyton. She knew that his daughter would have a special place in his heart, but above her? What was next, him loving Brooke more? She hadn't been able to close her eyes throughout the whole flight, because all she could think about was Brooke with Lucas, putting her hands all over, kissing him, _and telling him he was hers._ Well she was wrong. Lucas Scott was hers. They were going to get married and live happily ever after, and Brooke could shove that up her ass.

* * *

Brooke was alone in her house for the first time in what felt like forever. Lucas had taken Beth out, and she felt as though she could hardly object, though the thought of Beth and Lucas without her was making her heart twist in pain. For so long it had been her and Beth, and now there was Lucas. Soon her daughter would learn to love him just as much, or maybe more.

But she couldn't stop thinking about him. They had slept together on the sofa last night. Not had sex, but just slept, peacefully after he had kissed her. She could remember how perfectly her head fitted into the crook of his shoulder, and how his arm had snaked its way around her, how he had kissed her head and told her that she was the most beautiful girl in the whole world…

Then morning had come, and woken Brooke from her supposed fairy tale. And as she had stumbled into the shower, all she could think about was Peyton. Her best friend, who would be waiting at home for her boyfriend to call. After all Brooke had kissed Lucas, much in the same way Peyton had kissed him all those years ago in the school library. Was this any different? Brooke had told herself that it was, because they had a daughter together, and in some way that gave her a bigger claim to him, but really she just felt guilty.

Even now, as she sat here on her sofa, just thinking to herself, she still felt guilty. Not just for the kiss that they had shared last night, but for her thoughts. Because now he was here, with her and his daughter, she never wanted to let him go. She wanted him to stay, to wake up next to him everyday. She wanted him to be standing beside her every day, hell, she wanted him. She wanted him to love her like he loved Peyton, to get home and pull out a ring and tell her that he loved her, that nothing else mattered, that he wanted them to be a family. But could she do that to Peyton?

She hated to admit it, but she was beginning to think she could.

* * *

Lucas had been enjoying a lazy day round at Haley's with his nephew and daughter, and honestly, he couldn't be happier. The more time he spent with Beth, the more he loved her, and he couldn't even remember a point in his life when she hadn't been around, giggling and pointing and grabbing at everything she saw. The only flaw in this day was that he knew Peyton would be here soon, demanding an explanation and most likely causing problems in his already fragile relationship with Brooke.

He had had a long talk with Haley today, while Jamie was playing, (very carefully) with his cousin and Haley had told him about everything he had missed. She had shown him pictures of Brooke and of Beth, and told anecdotes about the infant. And then she had confessed about sending the letter. He had waited for a moment, expecting to be angry at his ex-girlfriend, but he couldn't find it in himself. She had given him his daughter, and all his other feelings had disappeared. All he knew was that she was amazing, incredible and even more beautiful than he remembered; his life with Peyton seemed like a distant memory.

At least until now, when at half past two she had shown up on Haley's doorsteps, looking disheveled and with red rimmed eyes. That was then it all became real fro Lucas. Because he couldn't go back to California now, he needed to be here, with his family. Peyton wasn't family. She never had been and she never would be. And now he had to tell her that.

"Lucas." Was all she could manage before she fell into his arms, burying her head in his shoulders.

He couldn't bring himself to hold her like he used to, even though he knew that all Peyton wanted him to do was hold her tight and promise that it would all be okay.

"Lets go for a walk." He suggested, and led her straight back out the door, desperate to keep her away from Beth. He didn't want her to be a part of his daughters life, even though he knew that was wrong. Surely that should be Brooke's job? Hating on her daughters potential step mother.

* * *

Brooke had gone to pick up her daughter from Haley's house, after her best friend had called her to tell her that Peyton was here, and that she and Lucas had gone off on a walk together. She had known that her "best friend" was going to be coming to Tree Hill, but it had only just hit her. Since Lucas had been here, they had been concentrating so hard on each other, and their daughter, their family that the whole notion of Peyton had been disregarded. Now Brooke was left puzzling over how this was going to affect her – and Beth's – lives. Would Peyton want a part in her daughter's life? Would she try and play mother when Beth was with Lucas?

As she watched her daughter napping contently in the backseat, oblivious to all the drama that was about to ensue, Brooke allowed herself to wonder how her relationship with Peyton would be. Obviously it was going to be strained, they hadn't spoken for over a year after all, but would Peyton be furious with her for sleeping with Lucas so soon after they had broken up? Would she hold Beth's parentage against the little girl? Brooke couldn't bear it. She had known Peyton to be a vindictive bitch at times, but would she still be like that now?

But honestly, she was just scared. Scared of what the arrival of Peyton would bring. Because for the last couple of days, she and Lucas had been playing happy families, but that was over now. Now it would be holidays in California for Beth, and months without Lucas, and the constant worrying about how Peyton would treat her daughter.

As she pulled into her driveway, she wished for Lucas to be sitting on her front porch, like he used to when they were teenagers and she was late. She half expected to see him there, for him to stand up and hold her tight. Instead she was greeted by an empty porch.

"Welcome home." She whispered to herself, as she shut the engine off and climbed out of the car.

After retrieving her sleeping daughter, and placing her in her own crib, and pulling the curtains shut, and watching her sleep for a few minutes, just so that she could be sure she was okay, Brooke allowed herself to pull out her phone and text Lucas.

* * *

"I just don't understand Luke." She was looking up at him with that forlorn puppy face, but for once he didn't even feel bad, "You break my heart to go running off to sleep with your ex girlfriend? And you never told me? That has to mean something. Do you love her?"

It took Lucas a moment to realize that she was expecting an answer from him, he just wasn't sure what answer he should give. He knew what his heart was telling him, but he also knew what Peyton wanted him to say.

"Well, yeah." Her eyes hardened upon his answer, and he tried to backtrack slightly, "we have a daughter together, and she was my first love you know? I'll always love doesn't mean I don't love you though."

"Then what's the difference Luke?" Tears were threatening to spill out of her blue eyes, and he was taken back to the fight he had with Brooke over the same subject.

"_The difference? The difference is I love you Brooke. I want to be with you, not Peyton."_

"_But why? I need to know why."_

"_Because you kink your eyebrows when you're trying to be cute. __Because you quote Kay Mou even though I've never actually seen you read. And because you miss your parents, but you never ever admit that. And because I've only given two of these embarrassing speeches in my entire life, and they've both been to you. That's gotta mean something right? And because we're both gonna get pneumonia out here in the rain, but if you need to hear why I love you, I can go on all night."_

"Luke?"

He snapped back to reality and racked his mind for some kind of an answer, an answer that could somehow salvage his relationship.

"Because I'm in love you Peyton."

She licked her lips, and he watched her smile. She moved a little closer to him and leaned in for a soft kiss, and pretended that he was kissing her like he used too.

"And you want to get married?" Her eyes were on him, and she was waiting for an answer. An answer that would define not only their futures, but Brooke and Beth's too. He opened his mouth to speak , but was cut off by his phone.

"I got a text." He explained to Peyton, reaching in to his pocket.

**Hey Broody. Just picked Beth up. How are things going with Peyton?**

"Its Brooke isn't it?"

His eyes met hers, and he saw the defeated look in her eyes for the first time. Unable to find words, he just nodded mutely.

"I think she and I need to talk."

Again he just nodded, and began to walk back to Haley's, Peyton lagging behind him.

* * *

"Hey ."

Brooke snapped her head up at the familiar greeting, and immediately shoved the sketches she had been working on to one side. Anxiously she stood up, and met Peyton's eyes for the first time in what felt like forever.

"." Her voice is raspier than Peyton remembers, and she looks so anxious that Peyton wants to laugh.

"I'm not going to bite you." Peyton does laugh then, just a little bit, to show Brooke that she hadn't come to look for a fight. Smiling, Brooke threw herself into Peyton's arm, hugging the blonde to her tight.

"I'm sorry."She mumbled into her shoulders, "I'm so, so sorry."

Peyton had expected to be angry. She had thought that she would slap Brooke, or yell at her. But she hadn't expected to feel sorry for her. She really hadn't expected to feel guilty.

"Don't worry." Peyton smiled, as they pulled away , and took note of the tears that had filled Brookes eyes, "I'm not mad at you."

Brooke offered her a watery smile back.

"What about Lucas, are you mad at him?" She asked, in a very tiny voice, unsure of what she wanted the answer to be.

"I love him." Peyton shrugged, "Its simple. I love him too much to stay mad at him about something that happened a year ago. I hurt him that night, and so it was only natural that he would want, some, uh, comfort. But he loves me, I love him and we can get through it. That's what marriage is about, right?"

All of a sudden Brookes throat felt very tight, and her heart stopped. The world around her was moving in slow motion, and Peyton's bright smile was still in front of her, waiting for her to respond. But all Brooke could hear was Peyton's last sentence, over and over.

That's what marriage is about, right? That's what marriage is about, right? That's what marriage is about, right? That's what marriage is about, right? That's what marriage is about, right?

"Marriage?" Brooke somehow forced the words, her eyes tentatively meeting Peyton's.

"Didn't he tell you?" Peyton tilted her head slightly in confusion, "We're engaged! Isn't it great? "

Brooke nodded, and tried not to cry. Because trying to take someone's boyfriend was terrible, especially your best friends. But taking their husband? That was unforgivable.

"Congratulations."

She needed to get out of here. She needed to go upstairs, and get into her bed and cry. She needed them to be gone. Both of them. She couldn't do this, she thought she could but she couldn't.

He was meant to be _hers._

"Thank you Brooke, that really means a lot."

Brooke nodded, and tried to back away slowly towards the stairs.

"Brooke!" Peyton called, noticing Brookes retreat.

"Yeah." She didn't mean for her voice to wobble, it just did.

"You want to watch a movie, or talk or something?" She knows she should say yes, because Peyton is her best friend, and she is so lovely for not being angry about Beth, but she really, really doesn't want Peyton to see her cry. She doesn't want anyone to see her cry. So instead, she shakes her head and offers a feeble smile, and disappears up the stairs just in time for the tears to fall in private.

Because despite everything, every denial she ever made, she honestly thought one day, she would be the one Lucas would choose.


	10. Its A Love Story, Baby Just Say Yes

**A/N So here we are. The final chapter of Never Look Back. Its kind of emotional for me. I started this story when I first started watching OTH and fell head over heels for Brucas. Their chemistry, passion and love is what made me love the show. I hated how it all ended up with him and Peyton, because while I do see why they work, I just never got the same feeling watching them as I did with Brooke and Lucas together. In my opinion they really should have been endgame. Maybe I just like them more because I can identify with Brooke, I know what its like to have your best friend get it on with your guy. Anyway I want to thank everyone who read this story and reviewed, because honestly I love getting feedback on my work. This probably will be my last (and first) Brucas fanfic, so enjoy this last chapter and review please, it would mean so much to me. So even if you just have this on alert or on your favourites (which a lot of people do) please just take a minute to drop a review, or even if you don't usually review it would really mean a lot. So here it is, the last ever chapter - enjoy.**

* * *

"If I ask you something, will you tell me the truth?" Its late, really late, and he's just stumbled through the door. He'd put off coming home as long as he could because this is exactly what he didn't want to deal with.

"Sure." He shrugged his coat off, and draped it over a chair, before he comes to sit beside her.

"Did you only come back to me, because she didn't want you?" Her voice trembled as she turned to look at him, and he could see the fear and worry etched into her face. He really, really wants to lie to her because he doesn't want to see her hurt. But she deserves better, she deserves the truth.

"No. Maybe. I don't know. We didn't talk about it. The next morning, you called her. And I couldn't do it, so I left." Their eyes locked, and she looked away.

"If I hadn't called…" She could barely choke the words out.

"I would have stayed. I would've let her choose what to do."

Peyton nodded slowly, as if she was processing the information.

"You don't really want to marry me, do you?" She doesn't look at him anymore, instead her eyes focus on a spot on the floor, and he watched as her body trembled.

His breath hitched in his throat, and he waited a few moments to collect his thoughts before answering.

"No."

There was a roaring in her ears, and she felt like she couldn't breathe all of a sudden. She wanted to cry, and scream and go back in time, and not ask that question.

"Peyton." Her tears burnt her eyes, until she stopped fighting and let them fall.

"Did you ever love me?"

"Yes. Of course I did." That's not a lie, he did love her, and he still does. He's not in love with her though anymore. He has feelings for her though, he probably always will.

"As much as Brooke?" She finally looked up, scrutinizing his face.

"I…"

"Tell Brooke I'm sorry." Before he could blink, she's on her feet, wiping away her tears, and heading towards the door, where her small suitcase lies.

"Don't do this." He watched her, and he knows he doesn't want her to go, because its Peyton and he cant imagine life without her.

"You don't want me." It kills her to say it, but he needs to hear it, "You don't want to come home. You want to stay here, with Brooke and the baby."

He doesn't reply, so she looks at his face one more time, trying to commit it to memory, and leaves.

He stands there for a while, not daring to move, even after he hears the engine of her rented car start up, and drive away.

* * *

He spent the rest of the night in Beth's room, watching over her, and trying to pacify himself, to make himself believe that what happened with Peyton was for the best. He knows that he doesn't want to go back to LA, he wants to stay here in Tree Hill. But Peyton, should he have followed her? Fought for her?

"Luke?" Brookes voice interrupts his train of thought, and he looks up at her blearily.

"Hey." His voice is hoarse, and he swallows hard.

"What are you doing up?" She silently prays that he doesn't look too closely at her red rimmed eyes, and notice that she hasn't slept. She doesn't want him to know that she's spent hours crying over him, because she doesn't want to be that girl anymore. And she doesn't want to hurt Peyton anymore than she already has. It hurts, but it will get better. She's used to letting go of what she wants.

"Peyton left Brooke." Everything stops for a moment and all she's aware of his eyes on hers, and she doesn't know whether to cry or laugh.

"What do you mean?" She thinks she knows, but she doesn't want to get her hopes up, because she cant take anymore disappointment tonight.

"She left me Brooke." Lucas stood up then, and walked towards her, his eyes never leaving hers.

"But why? I mean she told me," Brooke looked away momentarily, "You guys are getting married."

It hurt to say it out loud, but she needed to know.

"Yeah." He smiled wryly, "I guess not."

Her mind was working overtime trying to digest this. All Peyton had ever wanted was Lucas, and now that she had him, now they were getting married she was going to walk away?

"I can fix this." Brooke said frantically, running her fingers through her hair, "I will call her, and I will explain. She was fine earlier, she wasn't mad at all, I just…" She broke off and looked up at him again,

"She'll come around Luke, she always does."

There was something about her at the moment, that he realized. She looked so vulnerable, standing there in just her vest and some old pyjama bottoms, her hair loose around her bare face, that he just wanted to hold her close and never let her go again. Her eyes were so open and he knew that she wasn't lying, she did feel bad about Peyton. She was beautiful, she was stunning, she was mesmerizing, and she was all he ever wanted.

"No." He shook his head, cupping one hand on her face gently, "I don't want her to."

Brooke looked down, unable to take the intensity of his gaze.

"Lucas…"

"Look at me." Unwillingly she lifted her face to stare at him, and was overcome with an urge to cry.

"Its you." His voice didn't waver, "I know I said it wasn't, but I was wrong. I was so wrong. Its you Brooke, its always been you. I love you, and I know that its too late, and you probably don't feel the same. I know I messed up, a lot, but I promise you, if you give me one more chance I will never let you down again. I wont hurt you anymore Pretty Girl. Just tell me you love me."

Brooke looked up at him, but stayed silent, unable to speak, to move.

"Pretty Girl?" He's still looking at her, waiting for a response.

"Luke…" Her voice is raspier than usual, and she nervously licked her lips.

"I love you, I do. But…"She looked away, "We can't do this." She stroked his hand, and then took it off her face.

"No. No, no." Lucas interjected, "You're wrong, we can do this. We're a family, we love each other."

Brooke tried to blink back her tears before she spoke again.

"Lucas, I do love you and I want to believe you." She looked up at him and smiled weakly, "But we don't work. We tried and it doesn't. And I wish that it did, but we're never going to be _that couple."_

"Brooke I'm sorry. I know that I've messed us up before and I know you don't have faith in us, but I just need you to believe. Can you do that for me?" He doesn't take his eyes off her, because she needs to understand. This is where he wants to be, right here with her. This is where he needs to be.

"There are so many reasons why this would never work Luke."

"Like what?" He says it louder than he intends, and they both glance over to Beth's crib, but shes still quiet, just gently snuffling in her sleep.

"Lets go downstairs."

* * *

Ten minutes later they're both sitting in silence at the kitchen table, drowning in the quietness.

"I loved her. I still do." He looked up at her, and she shook her head briefly.

"I don't understand." She whispered, her knee's pulled up against her chest.

"I know what you're thinking. That I'm just saying this because Peyton left. But that's not why. Peyton left because I loved you. Because I told her that I loved her, but I loved you more. I always have. I loved the idea Peyton, but I didn't love her for who she really was." He looked up at her, and saw her looking away. "I thought about you every single day. I wondered how you were, how you were doing. I thought about what would have happened if Peyton hadn't called. I never forgot you Brooke, how could I? No matter how happy I thought I was, you were always there in the back of my mind. I never let you go, and I don't think you ever let me go either. So even though you're scared I need you to trust me, and just never look back."

Brooke stayed silent for a moment and then stood up, her chair scraping against the floor. She walked over to the cupboard where she pulled out all the contents until she found what she was looking for.

"I never forgot about you either." She whispered as she placed the box in front of him.

"Brooke?" He said, as his hands fumbled to open the box. He looked at her apprehensively as he reached inside.

"Letters." She replied.

He was speechless. There were letters dated from various times over the past year, and some from before.

"Brooke."

"I love you Lucas, I always have." He pushed his chair back and stood in front of her, his eyes unreadable but fixed on her.

"You never sent them."

Brooke shrugged, and looked away from his gaze.

"If you love something, let it go."

"No." She looked up, startled.

"No?" He smiled softly at her.

"I love you, and I'm not going to let you go, not again. And if you don't feel the same, then I'll wait. I'll wait for you to be ready, because you will be someday and when that day comes, you'll realize I've been here all along."

He leant down and kissed her softly, just briefly.

"Lucas…" She murmured softly,

"Yes Pretty Girl?"

"Kiss me again, Broody."

He laughed and leant in to kiss her again, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close,her arms snaking around him too, neither wanting to ever let go again.

* * *

_"__It's just that, you're the first great guy I've dated and that really scares me because I never gave a rat's ass before. Ok, but I do now."____  
_

_____"That's good, because I give a rat's ass about you too."_

* * *

_____"__I'm the guy for you. I know we're just part-time, that's cool. You know, do whatever, have your fun. But one of these nights you're gonna realize it; I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis…. You'll see"_  


* * *

_"__Tell me that was a goodbye kiss"_

___"I want to be with you Brooke"__  
__"What!"__  
__"I'm sorry, I know we are friends; it's just how I feel."__  
__"What about Peyton's stuff?"__  
__"I keep that stuff as a reminder of how madly I screwed up things, with you. To remind myself that if I ever get a second chance, I would never let you go again."_

* * *

___"So you made a lucky shot. Do you really think there's only one person in this entire planet that's right for you?"__  
__"I do."__  
__"Okay, what about Peyton? I hear you once had the same feelings for her. Maybe she's the one. Or, being that we're still in high school, maybe you haven't met the one."__  
__"But I have. And she's in that apartment_

* * *

_"__We are going to be a power couple! He is going to be a famous novelist, and I'm going to have a fabulous fashion line."__  
__"But we are still going to have time to have a big family__  
__"Two boys, and a girl"__  
__"And I'll coach little league"__  
__"And I'll bake treats for the team... or buy them."__  
__"And we will spend our summer in our beach house."__  
__"And winter in the southern France"__  
__"It won't matter where we are, as long as we are together"_

* * *

___"People that are meant to be, always find their way back together in the end."_


End file.
